CURRENT HOMELAND SECURITY ALERT LEVEL
I am allowed to wax sentinmental from time to time, OK? I promise to temper my deeper moments with bits of hilarity. I promise not too many pictures of the kid or wildflowers and such stuff.
Boots on, mucking around the Web so YOU WON'T HAVE TO- I bring you excellent, true news stories with which to regale your friends, impress would-be dates, and pass time on public transportation:
BRAND NEW FOR 2005- THE ZIMBABWE TOTALITARIAN FAT SOLUTION
Zimbabwe, facing a severe food shortage, is considering an unlikely program to bring rich foreign visitors to the country, according to a government announcement in November. The information minister proposed an "obesity tourism strategy," in which overweight visitors (especially Americans) would be encouraged to "vacation" in Zimbabwe and "provide labor for (government-confiscated) farms in the hope of shedding weight." Americans, the proposal noted, spend $6 billion a year on "useless" dieting aids and could be encouraged to work off pounds and then flaunt "their slim bodies on a sun-downer cruise on the Zambezi (River)." [Sunday Times (London), 11-28-04]
* They stole this from TOM SAWYER. "Hey make the stupid fat Americans think this is FUN and trendy and they will pay us to let them do our work." Hey, anyone out there up for heart-pounding adventure digging turnips?
DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS (GALS)
After Billy W. Williams, 53, skipped out during his trial for aggravated assault in 2003 in Dallas, he was found guilty in absentia, but Judge Faith Johnson apparently was not quite satisfied. When Williams was recaptured and returned to her courtroom in October 2004 for sentencing, Johnson organized a "party" in his "honor," with balloons, streamers and a cake, to create a festive backdrop for her gleeful announcement that she was sentencing him to a life term. [CNN-AP, 10-26-04
The Houston Chronicle brings us this one:
FISH ARE PEOPLE TOO
A prominent U.S.-based animal rights group (PETA) urged former President Jimmy Carter on Monday to give up fishing on the grounds that the activity was inconsistent with the Nobel peace laureate's humanitarian efforts.
"We're asking President Carter to think this through and to grant fish peace by leaving them in the water where they belong," PETA President Ingrid Newkirk said in a press release.
( ?????????- PETA is way off the lunatic fringe. Do these people EVER listen to themselves?)
And the press just keeps on a-quotin them.
YELLOW WILL COST YOU EXTRA!
BROWNSVILLE- Some South Texans are hoping to turn a rare snowfall into some cold cash.
A 23-year-old Brownsville man has put a three-pound snowball he collected during an unprecedented Rio Grande Valley Christmas showfall on the eBay auction block.
Brownsville received 1.5 inches of snow Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning, its first measurable since Feb. 14, 1895, according to the National Weather Service.
"It's an amazing historical event," seller Oscar J. Garza told The Brownsville Herald. "They've been selling so much stuff on eBay I thought I'd get a good laugh and if I make a little money out of it, oh well. That's why I put a 'buy it now' price of $5,000."
Garza isn't the only one trying to cash in on the wintry wonderland.
Another seller was asking $250,000 for a bowl of Christmas snow from Corpus Christi, sold "as is" without warranty. After six days, there were still no takers.
Garza's ball of snow, meanwhile, was going for $5.50 -- plus a $20 shipping charge -- with five days of bidding remaining.
"It's a basketball-size chunk and I have to send it in dry ice so it doesn't melt," Garza said. "Something like this is not going to happen again in our lifetime, the climate and the condition are not proper for snowfall so chances are we won't see this again."
* well I suppose it's better than the used underwear for sale