Long-Secret Source 'Deep Throat' Unmasked
Please oh please let it be me!
Mark Felt, a senile old codger near death's door, has been revealed as the infamous "DEEP THROAT" of Watergate fame.
"I can't remember exactly why I turned Nixon in. I can't remember much of anything to tell you the truth." stammered Felt at a press conference. "Has anyone seen my little bag with the Depends and Accu-check in it?"
Other old farts from the era reviled Felt saying that he had a professional duty to keep his mouth shut while the Boss (Nixon) spat in the face of decency and democracy and made a mockery of privacy and fair play.
"I had a feeling it was him. He was so smug- always quoting the Constitution and pointing out how paranoid the Boss was." muttered Stanley Kretschmer, a former Nixon aide. "Such a boy scout he was with his insistence on telling the truth and all that..."
Although the news made headlines worldwide, it was unclear exactly why.
"Don't ask me, " shrugged Felt. "I just felt the need to come clean before the Alzheimer's sets in."