Saturday, June 11, 2005

Bringing You More of the Real Fake News


G8 Agrees to Debt Relief for Poor Nations

Kenneth Stapp of Wheeling, WV wants HIS debt forgiven, too.

LONDON - Finance ministers from the Group of Eight industrialized nations agreed Saturday to an historic deal canceling at least $40 billion worth of debt owed by the world's poorest nations.

"It's not like it is REAL money or anything. Just a pile of paper and promises. No one will even notice $40 billion from the world's coffers just vanishing forever into some dictator or drug lord's pocket," said Lord Farnsworthy, a representative from the United Kingdom.

Meanwhile, back in the USA, Kenneth Stapp of Wheeling, WV, was inspired by today's events. "I asked VISA to forgive my $3,800 credit card debt. The most they were willing to do was lower my interest rate one percent," he said.

Britain Celebrates Queen's 79th Birthday

(London, Sour Grapes Gazette)

"BloodyHell- I've pissed myself!" Emily Littleton-Thorne, 22, of Upper Wapping
after a night of celebrating the Queen's 79th Birthday.

BRITONS NATIONWIDE partied hardy in celebration of the Queen's 79th birthday. While London put on an extravaganza of epic proportions, other Brits chose a more laid-back approach.

"I fuckin' hate the fuckin' Royals. But since I am unemployed and don't have anything better to do, I went to the party at the Stag and Pigeon Pub. Not bad, could've had a few more appetizers, though," said Daniel Foote of Redcar.

"Can't believe the stiff old bird is still kicking, with her family problems and all. Wonder she hasn't had a heart attack by now, what with Charles and Camilla and young Harry smoking cannabis and such," commented Paul Stevenson, who hosted the Redcar soiree.

Redcar residents get shitfaced at the Stag and Pigeon's first annual Queen's
Birthday Gala.

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