Tuesday, January 24, 2006

DeSaulnier On Campaign to Eradicate Gummy Stuff on Irons

Sign on a former McDonald's restaurant targeted by DeSaulnier
and the CC Food Amelioration Team (FAT)

(Contra Costa County, California) - SOUR GRAPES GAZETTE EXCLUSIVE

Staying true to his activist roots, Contra Costa County Supervisor MARK DESAULNIER is vowing to put an end to that sticky crap that gets on irons and messes up your best shirts.

DeSaulnier, a devoted statist known for his relentless desire to sidestep society's most important issues, believes that what he calls "iron slime eradication" will cement his place as a politician of the people.

"Unemployment, urban decay, social unrest- these are all worthy issues, to be sure. But that crap that gets on your iron is a bane to us all," he stated at a recent fundraiser.

"What is that shit, anyway? At first I thought it might be melted polyester, but I don't own any polyester, so I have no idea what the hell it is," he stated.

DeSaulnier has often been on the forefront of today's least controversial, least discussed issues.

Recently, he declared open season on fast food restaurants in Contra Costa , establishing "Burger Free Zones" within the county and passing a law that no deep fryers could be operated within 150 feet of a school in an effort to curb the problem of teenage obesity.

"Have you been on the beach lately? I mean, fat butts in thongs are beyond an eyesore- they actually make me want to puke. What nature intended to be in beachwear is nubile, buffed-out young women, not someone with more ass than a donkey farmer," he told reporters at a recent "Dammit-I Want to Be In the Assembly" rally.

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