More Gene Pool Rejects

Pilots Guilty of Being Drunk in Cockpit
Associated Press Writer (YAHOO NEWS) Read the REAL story here:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050608/ap_on_re_us/drunken_pilots


MIAMI - Two former America West pilots were convicted Wednesday of being drunk in the cockpit after an all-night drinking binge at the airport Hooters.

They face a minimum of probation and a maximum of five years in prison after being found guilty of flying while drunk.

Defendants Thomas Cloyd and Christopher Hughes giggled and hit each other in the arms after the verdict was read. They hugged one another before being handcuffed and taken to jail.

Cloyd and Hughes were arrested July 1, 2002, as their Phoenix-bound jet was being pushed back from its gate at Miami International Airport. The verdict took nearly three years due to the pilots' union claims that there is no hard evidence suggesting that drinking and flying don't mix.

"That's what they have fucking autopilots for," said Cloyd as they led him away. "It's not like we are actually flying the damned plane or anything. Hell, I spend most of my time in the air reading MAXIM and trying to put the moves on that hot new flight attendant." He said.

Police ordered the plane to turn back and arrested the pilots after a security guard they dissed told authorities he smelled a strong odor of alcohol on Hughes. Then Cloyd got in an argument witha mechanic over how big the hooters on that chick at the bar were and if they were fake.

The pilots had 14 beers between them at a bar the night before the flight, closing out their $122 tab at about 4:40 a.m. — roughly six hours before their flight was to depart. Hours later, they registered blood-alcohol levels above Florida's 0.08 legal limit.

The pilots claimed they weren't really operating the aircraft because it was being pushed by a runway tug and its steering was disengaged at the time. They were fired by America West after their arrests and lost their commercial pilot's licenses.

"Within the aviation community, it was clear they were operating this aircraft, but everyone else does it from time to time, so they didn't want to be hypocrites and call them on the tarmac for it." said prosecutor Armando Hernandez.

Assistant State Attorney Deisy Rodriguez called the defendants "stumbling, fumbling" drunks who put 124 passengers and three flight attendants in grave danger.

The pilots refused to comment, except to say the Heineken at the airport lounge was skanky and cost a fucking arm and leg. "Fourteen beers cost $120 bucks- that's larceny," said Hughes as police pushed him into a squad car.